Six weeks ago I began my gradual return to work. Today was supposed to be my first week of 5 full days of work. But I just couldn't do it. Today was a complete FAIL on my part.
I went down to the laundry room to get my uniform out of the dryer. As I was pulling out stuff I began to panic a little about putting on my uniform and going to work. It was such a stupid thing, but it ended with me in a ball on the floor, phone in my hand, calling my husband and freaking out.
Yup, welcome to the fun world of panic and anxiety! What a pathetic mess I am. After speaking with hubby, I called my GM and told him I couldn't make it in today. My GM is now well aware of my condition and has been doing what he can to make my transition back to work as easy as possible. He said I could take today off and then work on Saturday if I wanted. Yup, that's a great idea!
You know what my problem is?? Let me tell you. When you have depression there are some very important things that you need to do to make sure things don't get outta hand. You have to sleep right, eat right and take care of yourself. Let's examine how I have been failing miserably lately at taking good care of myself. I have been sleeping more and more. Even after a full nights sleep I am still napping during the day. I'm so lethargic that I don't want to do anything but sleep. So not a good idea!! I have been eating alright, but then yesterday I decided it was eat whatever I wanted day. That's never good. I'm not supposed to drink alcohol unless it's a social get together, but these last few nights I've been having one or two glasses of Smirnoff. It's been so hot and I've wanted to have a drink while sitting on the porch. But that is horrible for my sleep and it's horrible for my mood the next day. And to top off all the crap, I haven't been doing anything to make myself happy. I've been mopeing around the house instead of getting out and doing things for myself. I haven't gone shopping, gone to the book store, nothing. I havne't taken the boys to the park or done anything fun with them.
So what have we learned?? That I need to take better care of myself, damn it!!! I need to get some proper sleep at night and no napping! I need to make sure I eat well and no more drinks at night!!! I need to get out of the house and do something fun this week!! And I NEED to go to work tomorrow unlike today!