Saturday, 14 May 2011

It's Official!

I'm officially going back to work!

I have been off work now for 10 months.  After my father passed away on July 14th, 2010, I was unable to return to work. Most people just assume it's because I was close to my father and terribly upset at his passing. I let people think that because I don't normally like to discuss my personal issues with just anyone. The truth is that although I loved my father very much, we weren't as close as I would've liked.  And the real truth is I have suffered with depression for years and that's what's kept me from work. Truth being that when my friend Donna was murdered in late 2009, I went spiralling downhill mentally. I was doing terribly at work and life was a mess at home. When my Dad died, that was the straw that broke the camels back, as the saying goes.  I couldn't deal with real life anymore. So my psychiatrist, who had been nagging me to take some time off work, signed all the right paperwork and I was put on short term disability.  And I've been sitting at home ever since, hoping I'll get better.

One thing I've learned about my depression this time around is that medication just doesn't do it for me. Don't get me wrong. I'm medicated to the hilt every single day. But I wasn't getting any better on medication alone. So when my insurance provider offered to find me a therapist, I jumped at the chance.  Her name is Kathleen and she's fabulous. She doesn't put up with my bullshit excuses, which I really need. I don't always like her when I leave her sessions, but she's good for me nonetheless.

Another thing I've learned about my MMD is that I do have some control over how much if affects me. I have to put in some effort every single day if I'm to get thru it. The first few months of disability I did a whole lot of nothing. I used my grief as my excuse to mope about. After awhile I began to see that, without my effort, I was going to stay in this rut forever! Not so great when you have a loving husband and two wonderful children who need you tremendously. So I had to put in some effort to get my sorry, fat arse outta the gutter.

And now, here we are. Ten months later and I am finally going back to work. I'm super excited, actually.  If I sit at home much longer, I'm afraid my big butt won't be able to get off the couch. Not only have I gained 30 pounds (that's right, I said 30!), but I'm so outta shape that it's ridiculous. I can't even bike around the block without dying of a stroke. At least at work I am on my feet all day long and I don't have time to eat.

I'm not only looking forward to the weight loss that I know is inevitable, but I also can't wait for the adult conversations; the human interactions everyday!  Oh bliss. All I ever talk about right now is what I watched on tv the night before and what chores I did during the day to keep busy. I got to get outta this house! I'm going insane! I mean, really, really insane!

So on June 6th, this crazy lady is finally heading back to work. Wish me luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment