Saturday, 28 May 2011

Depression and Alcohol

When you're young, and I'm talking in your 20's sometime, drinking is awesome!! Drinking is the fun that you can have without your parents permission. Hell, I had my parents permission!! LOL. My Mom had this rule that it was ok to drink as long as she knew about it and we were safe about it. So at the tender age of 16, I was at local bars, having my share of a few and a great time was had by all. As I got older, drinking was the thing you did at bars, social events. I was more fun when I drank. I was a better dart and pool player. Hell, I was one hell of a poker player while I was drinking!  I'm a little bit shy so when I drank I was able to talk to anyone, do anything! I was invincible!  There was nothing else like it. I never really thought about why I did it or what the consequences of it were, I just did it. I never thought about where my alcoholism came from or what addiction meant. I drank when I wanted to and I loved it~
    It wasn't until drugs came into my life at the tender age of 35,  that I began to realize that "substances" were a problem for me. I never realized that "addiction" was a part of my life.  I never thought I had a problem. Ever.  Then one day, my therapist insisted that I give up drinking and drugs and I began to realize that I might have an issue. And to be honest, I don't believe there was ever an major issue that I had to actually worry about. I just woke up one day and said to myself, "if you keep this up the way that you are, you are going to have a major issue! One that will require outside help; AA and all that shit!"  I didn't want outside help. I didn't want to admit to other human beings that I might have an issue. So I wanted to give up everything on my own.  I wanted to do this without help.
     Kathleen (the greatest therapist of all time) suggested that alcohol become a social drink only. That I only drink when there are other people around.  The only time I am allowed to have a "frosty beverage" of any kind is when there is a social even of some kind. I am no longer allowed to drink at home by myself or with my immediate family. The only time "beverages" are allowed is when there is a social get together of some kind.
     Tonight my brother in law and his wife came over. This constitutes a social event!!  Woohoo!! It means that I am allowed to have a few drinks! You have no idea how excited I am about this endeavour!  Tonight was a brilliant night of a few drinks along with my in laws. I got to watch a movie (I am Number 4), have a few drinks, eat a wonderful meal cooked by my BIL and have a pleasant night. When I get to have a few drinks now, it is a blissful thing. It is something to be celebrated!!  It is no longer a "everyday knead thing" which means I enjoy it more and it is no longer a crutch for me!
      Anyway, it's been a nice Saturday night shared with all of you. Thanks for stopping by!


No comments:

Post a Comment