Thursday, 28 April 2011

Help Me Out

Help me out here! I am trying to make a list of upbeat, positive, fun songs for my ipod and I need your help. I like anything current (or within the last 10 years or so). I don't like country or rap (unless its Eminem) and I doubt you'll persuade me. So what have ya got?? Got anything good?? Here's my list so far (it's kinda tiny):

Never Too Late Hedley
Sing, Sing Marianas Trench
Perfect Pink
Stay The Night James Blunt
All To Myself Marianas Trench
Raise Your Glass Pink
Blah,blah, blah Kesha
For Your Entertainment Adam Lambert
Cheap Wine Airbourne
I gotta Feeling Black Eyed Peas
In My Head Jason Derulo
Firework Katy Perry
Celebrity Status Marianas Trench
Real World Rob Thomas
Wonderful Rob Thomas
Keep Going Taio Cruz

So?? What'chya got??

You Love Me?

I want to take a minute out of my day to say THANK YOU to all my wonderful followers. I have only been blogging for two short months and to reach 200 is such a testiment to how wonderful you all are!

Thank you again for all your wonderful comments and suggestions! I can't blog without you!

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

The Dark Horse of MDD...sorry you have to read this.

It sounds so ominous, doesn't it??  For starters, what the heck is MDD? I suffer from major depressive disorder...BORING! All that means is that I will suffer from depressive episodes (lasting 2 weeks or longer) for the rest of my life.  I have some control over this disorder. If I take good care of myself, get some exercise, lots of sleep, yada, yada, yada. The problem with depression is that magic word EFFORT. Sometimes I just can't make the effort! But I try my best and we make it thru most days, don't we? (Yah, nothing makes you sound crazier than referring to oneself as 'we')

Anyway....moving on. The fun part of these labels of mental illness is once you have one sticker, you can start to collect them all!! FUN!!! To go along with my MDD badge, I have collected my GAD and OCD badges, too! I'm a right girl guide! Tonight I am battling my GAD a little bit. What the heck is GAD, you may ask? General anxiety disorder, silly!! I'm suffering from a mild case of anxiety right now! See, my husband is my rock in this sea of turbulence. I count on him to support me when I need it most. And tonight, and for the next three nights, he is away at a conference. I'm sure he is going to have a fantastic time learning new things, hanging out with his buddies and all. But I'm at home now, alone with my two sons and I'm freaking out a bit!

I can do this, right?? At first I was all moxy...Of Course I Can Do This!! They're good boys and they listen to mommy most of the time. We have a good schedule down and we are working our way thru life on an even road. I gave them their dinner which they ate like champs (dang! forgot the second vegetable) and then I gave them a bath (even remembered to wash behind their ears) and then I put them to bed. We read stories and snuggled. I turned off the lights. Now I'm sitting downstairs watching the hockey game....the house is uber-quiet. And I'm kinda freakin out!! Did I just do this?? Did I just have a whole night all to myself, no issues???

I don't know why I freak out so much? My husband works two nights a week so I'm used to doing the bedtime routine by myself. But now I have to do the bedtime routine and the morning routine four days in a row, all by myself.

I can do this, right???

I hate GAD!! It ranks right up there with my MDD and these damn obsessive thoughts that I can't do this. I hate OCD, too! LOL.

Ok, I'm done venting now. Sorry you had to go thru that with me!!  I'll be better next time!

Travelling is Tuesday, right?

Well, hello! Once again we find ourselves together on a Tuesday. It is a rainy day here in my fair city so the travelling had to be mostly indoors.  First thing I did today was drive my husband to the airport. He is attending a 'thing' in Florida for the next three days (lucky bugger!) so I will be at home alone with the little beasties (my two boys!). I'm kinda excited to see how well things are going to go (see that positive thinking right there!??). On Friday I am supposed to go bring the boys to the airport to pick up that's the part that actually scares me.  Me and two very energetic boys in a very busy airport looking for Daddy. Yikes. Wish me luck on that one.

For travelling Tuesday, I have travelled to the library! That's right, I'm currently sitting in the Ottawa Public Library writing this beautiful blog post that you are sitting there reading! Wicked. Why am I at the library, you may ask? Well, believe it or not, I have a ton of homework to do. Hence, the blogging...LOL!!!  See, my therapist (God love her!) likes to give me homework.  Every week, she thinks of a new book that she thinks I should obtain and read "tidbits" from. That's how she described it. She calls them "useful little parenting nuggets". Ya, they're nuggets alright. So right now I am reading Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger for therapy. That requires actual homework to be done with the reading. I am also reading How to Talk so your Kids will Listen by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I've been reading this one for about three months now (yikes!). Three weeks ago she suggested that Kirk and I read 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage by John Gottman. This book also has homework, but I'm liking this one. When Kirk and I do the "homework (get your mind outta the gutter!!), we go on 'dates' and have wonderful food and conversations. So that one's not so bad. Then two weeks ago, she told me that my kids are too whiney and I should get 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan.  She had some interesting advice about parenting that I had never thought about before and we decided to make some changes around the house. This book is supposed to help me discipline the boys when they are terribly unhappy about the changes (like no tv before school).
Last week she wanted me to get another book called The Canadian Paediatric Society Guide to Caring for your Child from Birth to Age Five. This book is supposed to help me be more realistic about what to expect from my children at their ages. Who knew I had unrealistic expectations?!!  I bought the magic book but I'm here at the library to get the paediatric society one. I think I've bought enough books already, thank you very much!
Now don't get me wrong. I often travel to the library because I love the atmosphere of reading in here (except this exact second because there is construction going on and it's annoying me).  But, in case you weren't keeping track, that's 5 books she has me reading at the same time! FIVE!! To get my little parenting "nuggets". I love reading. I always have. I think I get it from my mother who always had a book in her hand when I was growing up. And because I like reading, I occasionally like to read a book for personal pleasure (get your mind outta the gutter again!!!). So add to my 5 homework books, I am also reading ONE book just for me. I made a resolution this year that I would read one book a month. The one I'm reading right now (yes #12 and it's only April) is called "Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So" by Mark Vonnegut. Maybe you'll remember this from the '100 Things About Me' but my favourite book of all time is written by Kurt Vonnegut, Marks' father. When I saw that Mark had written a few books chronically his life with mental illness I almost lost my sh#t! Wicked! The son of one of my favourite authors and he suffers with mental illness just like me. We're SOUL MATES!! LMAO! Anyway, so that's my pleasure book. Here's the cover!

Anyway, enough about that nonsense.  So that's what I did with my travelling Tuesday this week. I travelled to the library to get caught up on five books of homework, read for myself, and come on in to say hello to all you fine people!!!  Now I am going to go home and come up with something more exciting to blog about tomorrow. What do you think? 

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Missing Him So Much

Have you ever missed something so much it hurts? I've lived with a great deal of grief lately. Tonight, I have decided to let you into my world a little bit. I talk about my grief from time to time; letting you in a little bit here and there. But maybe you don't know the whole story. So let me tell you a bit about myself.

I lost my best friend almost 3 years ago. She died from cancer and her loss has left a huge hole in my life.  Jeannie was the greatest friend you could ever ask for. I met her when I was 15 and she has been the greatest woman I have ever known. As a best friend, she was the best. She was always there for me when I needed her most.  She told me what I needed to hear because she knew me best. She never lied to me, she told it like it was. When she was first diagnosed with cancer, none of us believe she would actually succumb to the disease. Never! I don't think she believed it til the week she passed away. She was the strongest, most beautiful woman I've ever know. The best woman, best mother, best bestest friend ever. I miss her every single day of my life.

A year and a half ago, a good friend was murdered by her husband. I believe I suffered from PTSD after her death. Nothing like it has happened in my life before. Her death has taught me that life is short, it is extremely precious. What happened to her should not happened to the worst of human beings. That it happened to someone I know cut me deep.  Everyone who knew Donna, knows how awesome she was. How sweet and caring she was. She is in a better place now and nothing can harm her now. Her death pushed me over a precipice I didn't know existed.  I fell apart after her passing.

July 14th came the worst news of all. My mother called me at work. My mother never calls me at work. She called me to inform me that my father had suffered a massive heart attack and died. 

My parents divorced when I was very young. My father and I had had a very tumultuous relationship over the last two decades.  My father was an alcoholic most of my life and he was absent. But I still loved him like he was the most perfect father on the planet. Losing him was the nudge I needed to jump over the edge. I wrote this blog post because I wanted to show you picture of myself and my Dad. He was an awesome man, buried deep within his disorder. I know what it's like to suffer with a disease that longs to define you even when you don't want it to. I know what it's like to life with a disorder that overtakes your life and works hard to reduce you to nothing. I know what it's like to work hard every single day to be a better person; to leave behind the disease that longs to define you, longs to overcome everything about you. I believe my father and I are the same person.

I miss him so much it hurts. Have you ever had that feeling?

Doesn't Dad look proud of his two girls?

Sh#T my Mother In Law Says

Well, hello, again! I hope you're having a wonderful night.  I'm having a very relaxing evening, catching up on television I've missed, hanging out with the family. Since I'm feeling so relaxed and happy, I thought I'd share some funny times I've had with my hilarious MIL, Debbie. 

Yesterday, she called me a 'fat bastard'. There are so many reasons why this is funny. It's funny in and of itself because it's so rude, yet totally something she would say and not realize that it might be hurtful. She said it because 7 years ago, I bought her a bottle of wine as a gift. Kirk and I had just started dating and I knew she liked wine. I was bringing her a bottle, but I know next to nothing about wine. So while perusing the wine aisles at the liquor store, I came upon a bottle called Fat Bastard.  It is Shiraz made in France. I got it totally for the name, not knowing if the wine would taste like crap or not.  We all joked that night that I was calling her a fat bastard and we all had a good laugh.  She brought it up again today as a little inside joke and we all had a good giggle again!

Debbie really is as funny as I say she is. I hope thru this blog segment you'll see it and agree she's got a sense of humour alright. Even if she doesn't know it!!

Wonderful Easter!

I hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend. The family got together today to celebrate this holy holiday and had a wonderful time. Here are some great (and very funny) pictures taken! Wait patiently this week for a "Sh*t my MIL says" and a book review!! Can't wait!!
Even Bagua wants to participate in Easter!

Princess Ava!

I said, "Give me your serious face!"

I told him to make a funny face....hilarious!
It's always fun having a "new" person over. The kids love to play with someone who has so much energry! Thanks, Sarah!!!

The Happy Family!!

Thanks, everyone, for visiting us on Easter!! Hope you had a great time!

Saturday, 23 April 2011

(the last 25) 100 Things About Me!! I'M DONE!!!

76. I’ve held a live starfish in my was huge!

77. When my baby brother was a baby (haha), my Mom used to make me feed him. I hated it then, but as a mother now myself, I have a new found appreciation for her need.

78. I really don’t like Tom Cruise. He’s short and I think he looks funny.

79. I LOVE Lebanese food. It’s my absolute favourite!

80. I’ve been to the midnight viewing of every Harry Potter movie so far. I’m just too impatient to wait til the next day!

81. Lots of people would love to go back and live thru high school again, but I would rather die than repeat high school. And I actually enjoyed the classes.

82. Having Gavin damn near killed me. People say “near killed me” all the time and they’re joking but I’m actually serious. Actually, the pregnancy damn near killed us both. I’m not supposed to have any more children because of it.

83. I have size 9 feet (yes, I am running out of things to say about myself!)

84. When I was grade 8, all I wanted was a pair of Tretorns. I had to split the cost with my mom in order to get my first pair!

85. I have a tail, and no I will not explain any further.

86. I had blonde hair when I was very young; it starting growing out when I was about 5.

87. I love my garden. I love growing things myself.

88. I used to work at Dairy Queen and would still eat there anytime. I used to work at Arby’s and would never, ever eat there again. Remember that the next time you’re gonna eat at Arby’s!

89. My favourite book is “Breakfast of Champions” by Kurt Vonnegut. I’ve never seen the movie.

90. I prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate and I don’t like white chocolate. That’s right, I’m a choco-racist.

91. At Wasaga Beach, there’s ship wreckage named the HMS Nancy. I thought that was pretty awesome!

92. At my friend Justin’s wedding, I had to leave during the Daddy/Daughter dance.

This is me and my Daddy....I miss him terribly!

93. I get better at darts/pool the more drinks I’ve had.

94. I’m a huge Twilight fan...I just don’t talk about it as much as everyone else.

95. I bite my nails. I always have.

96. For years, I was a bit of a hockey-player-stalker. I loved getting my picture taken with any and every one I met (when you live in a city that has an NHL team, it’s easy to find them!)

This is me and Zdeno Chara, who now plays for the Boston Bruins.

97. Although I do not really enjoy getting older, I always love celebrating my birthday. I just like getting all my friends together for a good meal and a good time!

98. My favourite flower is the lily. All lilies. I think they’re just beautiful.

99. I am uber-excited that I was able to come up with 100 things. I don’t think I’m that interesting so I hope you weren’t too bored.

100. I want the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup but I’m not too optimistic!

Happy Easter Everyone!

I thought I'd stop in here quickly to wish all my followers a very Happy Easter!!  Today was a busy day, getting ready for tomorrows big feast. Can't wait.

It rained all morning, so I did crafts with the boys to keep them entertained. They loved the sponges!
Then my mother in law made short bread cookies with them and let them decorate. They were so proud!
This is the look my boys make when you tell them to smile!! Haha!!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend and I can't wait to post how AWESOME our Easter was tomorrow! See you then!

Friday, 22 April 2011

100 Things About Me....cont'd again.

51. We had our wedding photographer take a picture of us in the Staples downtown (in the pen aisle). Kirk and I met at Staples and we both still work there. I thought it was adorable!

52. I moved away from home at the tender age of 17. I often regret that.

53. I took typing in high school two years in a row. I can now type without watching the screen and rarely make mistakes.

54. I’ve been spelunking.

55. Since my fathers’ passing, I have seen, heard or read the name Jack or JP somewhere almost every day (does that make sense?). At first I found it a bit creepy, but now I find it comforting.

56. My favourite restaurant is Jack Astors (see above for comfort)

57. I’ve touched the Grey Cup and the Stanley Cup.

58. In the last year, I’ve been having a strange reaction to eating (and cooking) meat. Kirk is terrified that I’m becoming a vegetarian.

59. Fun fact: every time I eat, my nose runs. It’s weird.

60. I like to cross stitch. I find it calming.

61. I don’t like swimming in the ocean but I love snorkelling. Go figure!

62. I’ve pet a killer whale and a stingray (separate occasions, of course!)

63. I only use small spoons, never soup spoons. I think soup spoons are too big.

64. I love to travel. My favourite place is definitely Mexico. I like the Dominican but their hot dogs are weird.

65. I have been in one car accident as a passenger. No one was seriously injured.

66. I sometimes feel that Kirk is trying to keep me fat so I won’t leave. Silly man. He’s stuck with me for life, whether he likes it or not!

67. I must have ice in everything I drink (even wine).

68. I have 2 tattoos, one on my back and a butterfly on my ankle.

69. I’m a cat person.

70. I sleep with a fan on and a window open (unless we’re using the AC), 365 days a year. I hate sleeping when it’s too hot.

71. I won’t drink regular milk, only chocolate milk.

72. My favourite colour is pink!

73. I’m the “runt” in my family at 5’8. All my aunts, uncles and cousins are taller than me.

74. I wore pantaloons under my wedding dress so my legs wouldn’t be so sweaty. It worked like a charm!

75. I think an accent makes any man sexy.

Versatile Blogger Award!! MOI!!!!!

You love me, you really love me!! I have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by Cyndy of ( and I couldn't wait to post about it! I'm so proud of me!

The award is to recognize and appreciate fellow bloggers and let your readers know about some new blogs they might not have visited before. Here are the rules as shown on Cyndy's blog:

*Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.

*Tell us seven things about yourself.

*Award fifteen recently discovered new bloggers.

*Contact these bloggers and let them know they've received their award.

It's really hard to come up with 7 things about me that you might now know already, so how about I just give you 7 things about me that I think everyone SHOULD know about me!

1. I am married to a fantastic man who takes extremely good care of me.
2. I have two wonderful boys. Isaac is 5 and Gavin is 3.  And YES, I am extremely busy at home!
3. I graduated from Carleton University but still haven't done much with my degree.
4. I am currently on long-term disability. I'm too crazy to work (LOL).
5. I have two tattoos. A gemini symbol on my back and a butterfly on my ankle (for my best friend who passed away).
6. My Dad passed away only 9 short months ago. I am still extremely tender about it.
7. I love movies. We have a big collection and often buy movies without watching them.

Here are my most recent followed blogs (or favourites) that I can't wait to read more from!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

100 Things about Me...cont'd

26. I always called my father, “Daddy” when speaking with him and he always called me “Kiddo”. I miss him so much!

27. I was in a special grade 7 class that consisted of only 4 students that sat in with the grade 8’s.

28. I saw The Sound Of Music for the first time this year. I’ve never seen Miracle on 34th St., It’s a Wonderful Life or Casablanca.

29. I have the husband everyone wants. You know, the kind that runs you baths, buys you flowers, burns candles, helps with the kids and the housework, pampers me like crazy. You’re jealous. You know you are!

30. Strangest thing I’ve ever said as a parent, “Gavin, stop grabbing your brothers’ penis!”

31. I had a massive crush on Joey McIntryre when I was a teenager!

32. My eyes change colour all the time.

33. My Mom had me one month after her 20th birthday. I think she’s superwoman for raising three kids alone!

34. I dislike most musicals. I thought Grease was boring.

35. I suffer from MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), which totally sucks!

36. Strange but true, I think Jeff Goldblum is pretty sexy.

37. I had no idea what “420” meant until today. I had to look it up.

38. My first car was a Suziki Aerio that we bought when I went back to work after having Isaac. That’s right, I was 30!

39. My mother was not born in Canada, but in Holland. I think that’s super cool.

40. I’ve read the bible cover to cover. It took me a year.

41. I have strange taste in movies. For instance, Zombieland and The Vampires Apprentice are two of my favourites. Fight Club is my favourite movie of all time.

42. I suspect that this list will get less funny as time goes on...LOL!

43. My kindergarten teachers name was Mrs. Maloney but we called her Mrs. Bologna. Heehee.

44. I bought my son a Barbie. He asked for one, but I got it mostly cuz I hoped he’d let me play with hit...he won’t.

45. I’m addicted to caffeine, but I don’t drink coffee or tea.

46. I’ve read the entire Book of Mormon. I did it as a gift for a boyfriends’ mother. (I'm not Mormon!)

47. I didn’t own my first computer until I was in my mid 20’s.

48. There are some movies that I can watch over and over and never get tired of like Clueless, The Wedding Planner or Notting Hill. I’m a sucker for comedic mush!

49. I hate cooking! HATE IT!! If I had my way, someone else would cook for me and I’d do all the cleaning. The only chore I hate more than cooking is laundry!

50. Before kids, I only wore nightgowns to bed. Now, I have to wear pj pants and shirts. I don’t know what changed!

Wednesday, 20 April 2011


I know that some of you have come here with the best of intentions; to follow my little blog. But it's such a struggle! My "Followers" button doesn't always work!! I have brought this up with tech support and they inform me that they are working on it. They've suggested I try uninstalling and reinstalling the gadget, but I'm terrified that doing this will lose my over 100 followers! And I cherish every single one of those followers so I just can't take that chance. So be patient with my silly little blog, come back soon, and hopefully you'll be able to follow. Sorry for the terrible inconvenience!!

Monday, 18 April 2011

100 Things About Me

Just for fun, I thought I would join in on a little challenge called  "100 things about me" with polos pearls and pacifiers ( I'll do it 25 at a time, cuz it's harder than it looks. Do you think you can do it?? TRY ME!

1. Yah, I'm gonna be 36, but you'd never know it!
2. My pinky toe nails are almost none existent. Weird, I know.
3. I've never broken a bone, though I have a nagging, reoccuring elbow injury (thanks Tara!). I'd never had stitches til I had my kids.
4. I have one brother, one half brother, one half sister and one step sister. But I call them all 'brother or sister' when talking about them. Who cares how I came about them.
5.  When I was younger I wanted to be a marine biologist. Then I went to MarineLand and realized I would have to get in the water with animals as big as buildings. No thank you!
6. My middle name is Ann-Marie...yes, it is hyphenated.
7. When I was five, I used to sneak my brother into bed with me and hide him under my stuffed toys.
8. I got married 10 days before my 30th birthday. I always told my Mom I'd be married before 30!
9. Before I had Gavin, I had never heard the term "Simian Line". (you know you're gonna go look it up now. Gavin has 2.)
10. One of my prized possessions is an Ottawa 67's jersey signed by Lance Galbraith...and you probably have no idea who that is.
11.  I am a furocious book reader. I especially love non-fiction; biographies are my favourite.
12. I never knew grief until my best friend died at the tender age of 33. Now grief and I are best friends.
13.  Since having children, I now have to be surrounded by pillows and blankets in bed. My husband has nicknamed this mound of mess "Mount KilamaNancy"
14. I was born in London, Ontario, but when I die I will be buried in Ottawa.
15. Marriage is about comprimise. I had to give my boys two middle names each and I hated it!
16. I hope something horrible happens to M. Hutt while he's in prison. Just sayin.
17.  I'm a University graduate, and I pretty much drank my way thru.
18.  One of the most horrific moments of my life: watching a baby die in the NICU. His name was Cameron.  Gavin came home with us the next week. 
19.  I can sit for hours and do absolutely nothing. I think its a gift.
20. Ellen Degeners is one of my absolute favourite human beings.
21.  I've worked for Staples for 14 years and have worked at every store in this city.
22.  I absolutely HATE shopping, especially for shoes.
23.  I always thought I'd be a horrible mother.
24. My best friends name is Nathalie and I hated her guts the first time I met her.
25. I've held a 6 foot snake and a tarantula (not at the same time, though LOL). I'm super woman!

Whew! 25 was really hard!! I can't believe I have 75 more to go!! (Thanks Stacey for this! If you wanna check out Stacey's awesome blog, go to

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Fisher King

A decade and a half ago, I met a man at work, nicknamed Doc. Doc knows everything about sports and is a huge hockey fan. Every year Doc holds a hockey playoff pool and he asked me 14 years ago if I'd like to be a part of it. "Sure, what the hell!", I says. That year I didn't know a dang thing about hockey so I picked players for my pool who were cute or had interesting names. I won that year....HA! That's right! Cute guys RULE!!But I haven't won since, probably because I stopped caring what the guys looked like and started actually paying attention to the game. (stupid! stupid!)

Almost every year I have one player that I always choose; Mike Fisher. Yup, it's true. The first time I chose Mike Fisher it's because I thought he was hot. I knew little to nothing about hockey except that Fisher had a super hot smile and fantastic blue eyes. I started watching hockey constantly and Fisher became a good pick as favourite player and I picked him every single year that the Ottawa Senators made it to the playoffs. He didn't always give me many points, but he was my favourite. Whattya gonna do?

(Yup, this is a pic of Mike and me!! I have several, but this is the only one I can find)

This year; a tragedy. The Ottawa Senators traded Mike Fisher to the Nashville Predators. I considered never watching hockey again. How could they do this to me! Fisher was my favourite, my reason for watching hockey. How could they take that away from this Sens fan?? I was devestated. It was a very dark day.

Fast forward a few months and we're sitting at Doc's playoff pool for yet another year. What started out as a group of six (me being the only girl) has morphed into this huge event that takes three "captains" to organize. LOVE IT! I thought my favourite player was lost to me, but alas, Nashville made it to the playoffs. Sure, they weren't favoured to win, but who cares! He's my favourite, dang it!! So I picked him as I always do! And wouldn't ya know it, he's doing good!!! YEAH ME!! That's right, people! The HOT guy wins it again!!

We'll see how I do this year, but you can be sure that this Sens Fan is proud to have Mike Fisher in her hockey pool!!

(Oh ya, and Carrie Underwood can smooch my butt!)

Saturday, 16 April 2011


I saw it and couldn't resist putting it up on my blog!